Raw, compassionate, and perceptive, Michael Swerdloff's memoir RAISED BY WOLVES, POSSIBLY MONSTERS is a vital excavation of toxic masculinity's rot—and an urgent call for individual and cultural transformation.

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In his searing memoir RAISED BY WOLVES, POSSIBLY MONSTERS, Michael Swerdloff’s story is a harrowing portrait of a sensitive soul corrupted by his poisonous abuse at the hands of a misogynistic father and sociopathic brother. Under their tutelage, he morphs from a tender-hearted child into a predatory lothario who views women as little more than objects for his gratification. In stark, unsparing prose, Swerdloff recounts his descent into depravity, from his sexual assault of a classmate—”I squeezed harder than what felt natural or enjoyable. She clamped her right arm down, not realizing that this would keep my hand firmly on her breast”—to his emotionally abusive relationship with a girlfriend, Leighton, whom he manipulates into submission at every turn.

Swerdloff’s road to redemption begins in a mental institution following a suicide attempt, and in many ways, his story hews to a familiar recovery arc: a rock-bottom moment followed by a gradual awakening through therapy, 12-step work, and acts of service. Where RAISED BY WOLVES deviates from the typical redemption narrative is in its uncompromising self-interrogation and its nuanced exploration of the ways in which toxic masculinity is conditioned and reinforced by a misogynistic culture.

In one of the memoir’s most powerful sections, Swerdloff volunteers at a rape crisis center, sharing his story of transformation with survivors of sexual assault. These gut-wrenching encounters force him to confront the true impact of his misdeeds and galvanize his commitment to being an ally and advocate for women. Swerdloff is unsparing in his self-assessment, acknowledging how deeply he has been conditioned to derive arousal from the degradation of women: “I wanted my body to change in response to the way my mind was, but that’s not what happened, at least not at that point. At times, I would feel rage at my own body for its reaction to hearing tragic and brutal violent experiences.”

While Swerdloff’s prose occasionally feels raw and unpolished, these stylistic choices ultimately serve to underscore the intensity of his emotional journey and lend his story a sense of urgency and authenticity. The rough edges of his language might be seen as a reflection of the unfinished nature of the work he is calling us to do: the lifelong task of untangling ourselves from the twisted values of patriarchy. There is an immediacy to Swerdloff’s voice that mirrors the messy, nonlinear process of personal transformation, as when he describes his reaction to a transformative spiritual experience: “I felt confused and disoriented, and this little drip from my nostrils continued.”

Moreover, while some readers may crave more detail about certain aspects of Swerdloff’s journey, such as his spiritual awakening under the guidance of the enigmatic healer Betsy, the brevity of these passages suggests that this is not meant to be a prescriptive “how-to” guide but rather a call to action, an invitation for each reader to undertake their own journey of self-discovery. As Swerdloff himself notes, “Like everything else on the spiritual awareness and development journey, we always return to the same thing, be present and pay attention. Your Higher Self will instruct you on what to do with that information when you pay attention while present.”

Indeed, the power of RAISED BY WOLVES lies not in its literary polish but in the raw courage of Swerdloff’s self-interrogation and the urgency of his message. In laying bare his own struggles and transformations, Swerdloff invites us to confront the ways in which we have all been shaped by a culture of toxic masculinity—and to imagine a different way of being in the world. “The women in our lives need us to be more than our shame, self-hatred, and violence,” he writes. “They need us to step out of our pain, trauma, and numbness and step into being the men we were born to be before toxic masculinity squashed it out of us.” The unvarnished quality of his writing serves to underscore the book’s central theme: that the work of unmaking patriarchy’s harms is a raw, messy, and essential endeavor—one that requires us to confront uncomfortable truths about ourselves and our society.

RAISED BY WOLVES, POSSIBLY MONSTERS is a challenging, often uncomfortable read, but its fundamental compassion and hard-won insights make it a vital addition to the literature on toxic masculinity. Swerdloff’s story offers hope that even the most deformed spirits can be renewed, and that the cycle of abuse can be broken one transformed heart at a time.

Raw, compassionate, and perceptive, Michael Swerdloff’s memoir RAISED BY WOLVES, POSSIBLY MONSTERS is a vital excavation of toxic masculinity’s rot—and an urgent call for individual and cultural transformation.

"Loved it! 😍"

Heavy, raw, emotional and vulnerable, but ultimately inspiring and hopeful

Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters: From Mobster To Reiki Master is not an easy read. In this memoir, Michael Swerdloff gives a candid and detailed account of his life journey from adolescence to maturity through the lens of how he perceived himself and related to other people. The wolves and monsters in this story are the awful men in his life, primarily his father and older brother, who taught him to objectify and mistreat women. Time and time again, he watched beautiful, innocent, smart, amazing girls and women fall under the spell of men who only saw them as a conquest, something they can own, corrupt, and then discard. Not only did he have to live with the blame of not doing anything to protect those women, but he also found himself repeating the predatory behavior he witnessed, The first third of the book is the most difficult to read because it depicts all those horrible relationships, as Michael's life becomes a mess of alcohol, drugs, betraying his friends and the trust of the women in his life.

The change is gradual, as Michael discovers sobriety, therapy, a support network, meditation, service, and dedication to the practice of Reiki, all of which has an impact on the way he sees himself and the world. The discomfort he experiences in turning inwards and seeing all the trauma, guilt, ignorance and hurt is relatable, and so is how slow and intentional change has to be when we are healing. It was wonderful to read about the strong and selfless women and men who touch his life with love, light, and teach him patience to work on himself and find a better way to be in the world.

With a book like this, there is danger of the memoir turning into a laundry list of the bad things that happened to the person or that they did to others, becoming repetitive, or even worse, sensationalized if the focus is solely on the sordid details. Swerdloff avoids falling into this trap by analyzing each of the key events he described, musing on what he did wrong, how his choices in a particular situation were informed by his upbringing and the negative role models he had in life, and how each event fits within the bigger picture of his journey towards doing better.

While there are some minor editing issues and a few sentences that could have been structured better for clarity, the importance of Swerdloff's story shines through. It is an account everyone should read as an example that change is possible - real, thorough change that comes from within and permeates every thought and deed. Following Michael's transformation and the lesson he learns from each encounter, every small realization about himself and the way he treated women before, feels so authentic. The scenes I personally found the most touching were the accounts of his public speaking during events focused on sexual assault prevention - a person who has perpetrated such assaults talking in front of victims seems like wonderful cosmic justice. It was also truly interesting to get some inside information on social work and the AA community.

The second half of the book is dedicated to Michael's spiritual awakening and the healing effect it has on him and others. This part can even be inspiring to people who are not spiritual, as there are some universal takeaways and teachings that are relevant to someone who doesn't necessarily subscribe to any belief system or spiritual practice - kindness, mindfulness, looking inward and taking things slowly, being present in the moment and savoring meaningful encounters between people in which they exchange energy - whether you call it Reiki, God, or just a vibe.

There is such power in telling our stories, especially when they're uncomfortable and we have to admit things about ourselves we don't want to hear. Honesty is the best way towards healing, and Michael inspires by being raw and vulnerable. The reward for sitting through the discomfort of the first part is the hope and inspiration in the second part. We can't change what we did when we didn't know better, but we can choose to learn from it and use that information to lead a more meaningful and connected life.

Before I start, it’s worth noting that this book is a very uncomfortable read at times and probably has the longest list of trigger warnings out of all the books I’ve read this year. It won’t be for everyone (and that’s okay!) However, once you read this book, you’ll understand why all the horrific anecdotes are needed, how crucial they are. Why the book has to be as uncomfortable as it is, why so much sensitive information is shared. It was a heavy book for me, and despite wanting to put the book down early on, I’m glad I stuck with it. I think it’s a very important read for a number of reasons.

We’re first introduced to a young Michael Swerdloff. And if I’m honest, I absolutely despised the person he was (sorry, Michael!) I was taken aback by just how brutally honest he was about where he came from, what he did, how he treated other people, especially women. The people around him taught him violence, the wrong way to treat girls and his peers. There were specific scenes I had to skip over because I was so disgusted by what I read and found it very traumatic. But there was always an underlying sense of remorse in Michael’s words, something which kept me reading. We go through his experiences with new girlfriends, his first sexual experiences, how all this progressed into drugs and getting in trouble with the law. But as well as feeling so horrified by the things he’d done, I also couldn’t help thinking about how incredibly brave it was for someone to share their past experiences, the most vulnerable side of them, the things they regret, in order to spread awareness and prove that people can change. It really was powerful.

We slowly see Michael start to take those early steps to fix himself. Admitting to himself that the life he’s living isn’t the right path isn’t easy for him. He has anger inside and so many issues to fix, but I admired the fact that he knew something needed to be done. He goes to rehab, starts to have some feelings of gratitude, and even has new, healthier experiences with women which help him to understand their viewpoints, how his previous actions could hurt them and affect them for life. I really liked how Michael planned to make amends at this point, to apologise to every person he’d ever hurt, physically or mentally. Even though this turned out not to be the best option, (why would the people he’d harmed want to hear from him again when they’d probably worked so hard to move forward?) I thought the idea of it was really admirable.

Michael discovers Reiki and begins this part of his journey, and it was finally here where we can really feel a significant change within Michael. It was finally a part of the book that didn’t feel uncomfortable to read! Reading about his experiences with Reiki made me sceptical at first (purely an opinion, and I’m so glad Michael eventually realised this was his calling!) I did a bit of research into it as I read and I wasn’t really sold, but I was open to the idea after hearing of Michael’s positive experiences with others as he practices this type of healing. And of course, if it genuinely helps people, then I am absolutely on board with it! Reading about this time in Michael’s life felt different somehow. Even the way he wrote seemed to change as if signifying the growth and healing he was experiencing at this time (whether intentional or not, I wasn’t sure!)

From a violent relationship (with Michael being the victim this time) to losing family members, Michael continues to have a hard life. But what was so amazing to me was how he stayed on the right path without relapse. He continues Reiki sessions for himself whenever he needs to, has some important people around him who help to ground him when he needs it, attends a solo silent retreat and does some travelling. His life continues to be so eventful in both positive and negative ways. The descriptions of how Michael thinks and feels about everything that came his way were so strong, and he certainly doesn’t shy away from these feelings. He embraces them and begins to see so much good in everything around him. He manages to help so many other people and himself with the choices he makes, the directions his life takes. I began to get more and more fascinated by where life took him and by the people he met along his journey.

Part IV of the book was a great section in terms of wrapping things up and getting up to date with how Michael is doing after ill health and how he finds his recovery. It was quite an emotional section as things came to an end, but it was also filled with hope and a positive outlook on his future. The book was too long for me personally and I felt there was a lot that could have been edited out (such as the many many encounters with different women that felt very samey) but at the same time, I did appreciate each of these relationships would have taught him something at least. Knowing Michael is now on the right path filled me with happiness and warmth. Such a hard journey, but one he’s overcome with all the strength he could muster. And that’s certainly something to shout about.

Raised By Wolves, Possibly Monsters is a powerful but sometimes difficult read following one boy’s traumatic journey into adulthood, making the wrong choices and choosing a path filled with violence, aggression and abuse. But it’s also a story of change. A story of making things right. About fixing what’s broken and looking forward to a future free from hate. Michael’s memoir is tough to stomach at times, but his honesty and self reflection really made this a fascinating read for me. The book asks the question, ‘Can men truly change?’ and I think that Michael is proof that, when taking the right steps, sticking to your guns, and having the right people around you, you can turn your life around. The book turns into an enlightening read by the end, full of lessons and food for thought. It will really stick with me!